For parts 1-8 check this.
Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy. “Slow down, baby,” she said. “Foreplay is an art.”
Scott was a bit excited, “You better get your canvas ready soon,” he panted, “because I’m about to spill my paint!”
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A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.
“No!” yells the blonde.
Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.
“For the last time, no!” says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, “Well, why the hell not?”
The blonde says, “Because I wanna stay up here with you dumbass!”
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One day at school, Jimmy brings his household cat into the classroom. The teacher, baffled asks Jimmy, “Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?” Jimmy replied crying, “Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!’
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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death. One smart ass, male student said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?”, and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, “Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”
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Three construction workers were sitting at the top of a very high building they were working on. the discussion moved to how manly each was. Roy stood up dropped his pants, and his penis fell 3 stories! “Let’s see you beat that boys!” yelled roy. At that, jim dropped his pants, and his penis fell down four stories! “Take that roy!” Said jim with a laugh. Then both jim and roy looked down the way at bob who was moving his hips and making all sorts of weird moves. “What in the hell are you doing bob?” asked roy. Bob replied, “dodgin traffic boys, dodgin traffic!”
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A young man was talking to his grandfather, when his grand father posed a question to the boy.
“How are women and tornadoes alike?” asked the grandfather.
At a loss, the boy said “I don’t know.”
The grandather smiled and said…
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave
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Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off penises. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.”
Husband : “How about the ones like mine?”
Wife : “Those they gave away.”
Husband : “I had a dream too…I dreamt they were auctioning off pussies. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand.”
Wife : “And how much for the ones like mine?”
Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”
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After a field trip to the farm, a teacher asked her kindngarden class what sounds they heard at the farm. The first little girl said “I heard ‘moooooooo!’” That’s great bailey! Said the teacher The next little boy said “I heard chickens saying ‘cluck cluck cluck!” Wonderful timmy said the teacher, and what about you Jimmy? Jimmy smiled and said “I heard ‘GET OFF THAT F***IN TRACTOR!’” -
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A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, “What is it without touching it?” The blind man replies, “That’s a good piece of fir.” “Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one.” “That’s a bad piece of willow,” says the blind man. “Correct,” answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. “I’m confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?” The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, “Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the s**t house door off a tuna boat!”
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